The Nectar of the HummingBird
Then summer came.... This was the summer that the majority of my daughter's life started to change. My daughter loved to swim. We use to call her our little fish. She was diagnosed with migraines at the beginning of first grade. The pill they put her on made her gain 20 pounds with in 2 weeks. You could probably imagine the toll this took a little body. She developed stretch marks everywhere because of this. She became very timid and insecure about her body. She wouldn't wear shorts that were above her knee and shirts had to have full sleeves. It came time to buy the new swim suit for the summer. The last few summers she had wore a kids bikini, but this year was different. I had to buy the girl's swim shorts and shirt because of these stretch marks. She was so upset about them that she was embarrassed to wear anything that would possibly show the scars of this pill. So, like any mom would say, I told her she was beautiful no matter what, but that I would get her a pink and black suit. She actually ended up loving it for that summer anyways.
My daughter was like any average kid and was out all the time playing with her friends. She loved riding her bike, and going to the pool most days. This was the last summer she was our little fish. The next few years were a battle for me. I just didn't understand why she always wanted to wear boy clothes and sweatshirts all year long. It was always a fight in the store when we would go get new clothes. When I look back at it now, it all makes sense, but at the time I kept thinking about this beautiful little girl that I brought home from the hospital with that purple ribbon in her hair. It took me a few years to give in and just want her to be comfortable. I tossed it up to her just liking the way boy clothes fit her. She became happier as these years went by, as I was now accepting of what she wanted. I didn't know at this time that she was holding in a deep secret that was crushing her whole self to do so.
My daughter Paige was now 12 years old and the school year was coming to an end. We had many summer plans, and as always fun little trips planned for the kids and us adults. My husband and I take a trip usually every July with some friends. We did so this summer, and upon returning we got what we thought was the answer to all of Paige's depression, anxiety, and self secluding. It was July 27, 2015, and we had just returned from our adult weekend. I was leaning down to get something out of the passenger side of the vehicle and I heard "Hey Mom", I turned around and the first thing I noticed was my daughter in tears. I didn't even notice what Paige was holding onto. All I seen was my daughter crying and me thinking what is wrong. So, I asked Paige, "what is wrong baby", she replied, "Look at my phone" and so I did. She was holding up her phone with a picture on it that said, "I love boys, I love girls, I am bi-sexual". The first thing I said was, "Paige, why are you crying". She was crying because she thought Dad and I were going to be upset. She knew that I was always a believer of equal rights, but she got so worked up and only thought about worst case scenarios, she didn't think about how much we love her, and only want what is best for her. I then wrapped my arms around her and said, "Paige, I love you no matter what, I just want you to be happy."
Paige gave out this big sigh of relief as if she had just had the world lift off her chest. My last thought for that moment was, I am so glad she is finally opening up, and being honest with me. I had always suspected, but you never want to just ask your child something like that. Finally, Paige was going to be okay, she knew she was loved no matter what, and that we will always be there for her. I was finally happy that I knew what had been going on in my daughter's life, so I thought……..