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Thursday, July 24, 2014

Guest Opinion

Tuesday, April 16, 2002

Points to ponder

People seem to enjoy sending everything imaginable to the local newspaper - some very serious, others very funny. Over the years I have collected bits of humor and thought it might be an entertaining exercise to share them with our readers. Here are some points to ponder:

* If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

* If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

* If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown also?

* If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay people to do it?

* If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

* Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

* Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

* Why does a dog get mad if you blow in his face, then sticks his head out the car window?

* Why is it that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

* Statistics show that one of three Americans suffers from some sort of mental illness. If your two best friends seem okay, where does that leave you?

* Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 for a little bottle of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. Naive.

* Why do we say something is "out of whack?" What exactly is a whack?

* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

* When someone asks you, " a penny for your thought" and you "put your two cents in," what happens to the other penny?

* Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?

* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

* When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

* Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

* Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

* "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

* I thought about how mothers feed their children with those tiny little spoons and forks and I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Jim Hensley is the publisher of the Pilot's sister newspaper, the Dickinson County News in Spirit Lake.