Points to ponder
People seem to enjoy sending everything imaginable to the local newspaper - some very serious, others very funny. Over the years I have collected bits of humor and thought it might be an entertaining exercise to share them with our readers. Here are some points to ponder:
* If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
* If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
* If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown also?
* If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay people to do it?
* If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
* Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
* Why does a dog get mad if you blow in his face, then sticks his head out the car window?
* Why is it that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
* Statistics show that one of three Americans suffers from some sort of mental illness. If your two best friends seem okay, where does that leave you?
* Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 for a little bottle of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. Naive.
* Why do we say something is "out of whack?" What exactly is a whack?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
* When someone asks you, " a penny for your thought" and you "put your two cents in," what happens to the other penny?
* Why is the person who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
* When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
* Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
* Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
* "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
* Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
* What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
* I thought about how mothers feed their children with those tiny little spoons and forks and I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Jim Hensley is the publisher of the Pilot's sister newspaper, the Dickinson County News in Spirit Lake.