Christmas on the farm
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the farm,
Not a creature was stirring, they were huddled in the barn.
The mercury in Iowa had dropped well below zero
Who could get excited about seeing the holiday hero?
The stockings were hung on the fence posts with care,
And OUR toes were frozen, they had nothing to wear.
The pigs were nestled all snug in their beds,
With visions of warm sun and mud holes running through their heads.
The cattle in their "fur coats" wished they also had caps.
They were all settled down for a long winter's nap
When out in the farmyard there arose such a sound
The animals all sprang up to have a look around.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear
But a packed sleigh being pulled by a John Deere.
The driver, of course, was jolly St. Nick
dressed in his suit of red fur.
His face was all rosy from the heated Deere,
Outside, he gave a long drawn out "Burrrrr."
We was glad that the cowpies were all frozen hard;
His boots remained shiny while walking in the cattle yard.
His stomach protruded,
His suit buttons nearly popped.
It was clear he kept eating,
When he should have stopped.
At his presence, magic seemed to fill the air,
Replacing the sweet farm freshness already lingering there.
He had stockings to fill, so went straight to his work,
The animals poked on and heard a big "burp."
It was a natural reaction when he saw "chops" or "steak",
Whether charcoaled or broiled or raw on a plate.
The cattle and hogs became nervous and knew,
If they weren't careful, they may end up in his stew.
He reached in his bag to see what could be found,
And filled up the stockings sitting around.
"All I want, Santa," said the furry little cat,
"is a big old tuna and a juicy, fat rat."
Santa reached in his bag and pulled out "Chicken of the Sea"
And a skinny little mouse that he set free.
Mother sow grunted up her own Christmas wish,
She only wanted candy on a pretty little dish.
And for her, Santa pulled out a box of brightly colored gummy worms,
And laid them out in her trough to wiggle and squirm.
A woolen glove was given to Miss Bessy the cow,
to keep warm her udders.
It surely would result in warm milk and soft butter.
After filling their orders Santa jumped back into the Deere,
To finish his mission, he couldn't wait for a beer.
As he drove out of sight, the animals heard him cry,
"Merry Christmas to y'all, sure glad I no longer fly."