Nelson's View

Church Bloopers

It seems that even churches are not immune to human error. Here are some bloopers collected from real church bulletins that will have you rolling.

*Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

*The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

*"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

*The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

*Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community.

*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

*Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

*Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. (Oh dear)

*Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

*Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

*The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow.

*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

*This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. (I think they meant to say sing.)

*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.

*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door.

*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

*Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

*Ushers will eat latecomers.