Nelson's View

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Church Bloopers

It seems that even churches are not immune to human error. Here are some bloopers collected from real church bulletins that will have you rolling.

*Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

*The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

*"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

*The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

*Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community.

*Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

*For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

*Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

*Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

*Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. (Oh dear)

*Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

*Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

*Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

*The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

*Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow.

*The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

*This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. (I think they meant to say sing.)

*Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

*Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.

*The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

*Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door.

*The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

*Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

*Ushers will eat latecomers.