One Womans View

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

The super heroes of our lives

When I was young, one of my favorite cartoons was Underdog. The floppy-eared dog was a super hero. But without the power-packed pill, kept safely in a ring on his finger, he wasn't able to stand up to anyone or anything. But with that energy, everyone was safe. "There's no need to fear, Underdog is here," was his motto.

I wish there were more super heroes in our lives, garbed in tights and smooth capes.

For instance, I wish there was a Hair Fairy. Resembling the hair-covered creature Cousin It from the '70s classic The Addams Family, this super hero could appear at the blaring sound of my alarm clock, and while snoozing until the next alarm, could water down, paste, gel, blow dry and curl my hair before I get out of bed so that I can't scare my sleepy-eyed kids and husband out the door without their breakfast or morning clothes each day. (And oh, the time that would save me in the morning; I may even get to push the snooze alarm for a third time!)

And of course it would be great to have Captain Fat B Gone. This miniature super hero could fly out while I'm sleeping and use my entire body as a trampoline to stomp away that cellulite and fat deposits. (Better yet, bring an army of these super heroes along. Get 'er Done could be their motto!)

Accompanying these guys could be their friend, Captain Snore B Gone. This little capped creature's duty would be to capture, with quick movements, my husband's snores before they reach my ears and trap them in a sound-proofed container which destructs the snore the second it is caught. With these super heroes, I truly believe I could get a good night's sleep; and sleep easy knowing I was going to look amazingly beautiful in the morning!

And it would be awesome to have the Wonderwhere Woman visit me when I need her, too. I am forever wondering where I put this and where I put that. This super hero could find these things for me. Believe me, I hope she won't charge me for each time I need to call her in or I'll be broke!

And of course, it would be nice to have the Time Flies Fairy. This super hero could make sure me, and all of you, get to where we need to be when we need to be there with just a sprinkle from the special dust stored in any of the watches or clocks she'll be wearing and checking out her appointment book.

Menu Man would also be a nice addition to the world. Who wants to cook a meal for six after working a 10-hour day? This super hero will have supper on the table; his blue cape, which can double as a table cloth, can also be used to wrap up the dirty dishes and fly them away after the Menu Man has done his job of feeding us. At my house, we'd each need our own super heroes - we all like different foods.

And the super hero, sporting the pastel blue, quilted letters - TP - on his chest, may be another welcome sight in many homes and businesses. This fellow's job is to fly around and make sure there are no empty toilet paper dispensers in this world. Nothing that I hate much more than going into a restroom and seeing an empty toilet paper spool staring back at me and thinking of the lazy people who couldn't take the time to refurbish the roll. With TP taking charge, this won't happen again.

Oh, there are hundreds of other super heroes that could be of great use to us if they existed, to make our lives better and improve our appearances. But that's only dreaming.

Our real super heroes are family members and friends, who are there for us always. They can make us feel good about ourselves. Who cares if our hair sticks up in a hundred directions in the morning and who cares if there is a little cellulite ? You don't need any other super heroes, except maybe the one that captures your husband's snores.

Call on your real super heroes next time. There's no need to fear...

* Lorri Glawe is a staffwriter at the Pilot-Tribune. Reach her at lglawe@stormlake pilottribune.com