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Monday, May 2, 2016

NORTH OF FORTY - It's OK to look

Thursday, March 8, 2001

Now, I'm not here to pass judgment one way or the other, but I'm sure many wives don't appreciate their husbands looking at these kinds of publications. It's a bad form of omparison shopping .

But I think there are more dangerous things to look at than men's magazines. A lot of men my age have replaced sexy publications with monthly magazines offering used trucks and boats and RVs, for example. Complete with pictures.

This has got to be much scarier than seeing your husband browsing through Playboy. When he looks at pictures in a men's magazine, there's no chance he's going to bring any of those home.


They used to teach us in history class that the type of government a country has is directly related to the age of the country and the level of education of its citizens. The implication was that you may start out as a dictatorship, but through experience and teaching, democracy evolves naturally.

I think this same theory applies to the human body. When I started out, my body was a dictatorship. Initially my stomach was the Grand Pooh-bah, but it was eventually overthrown by another dictator during puberty. That led to the Reign of Terror, which ended at some point during the wedding ceremony.

And now I find, with the educational side effect of time and experience, my body has turned into a democracy. When I think that I'd like to play tennis, I first consult my arms and legs and back, trying to get a consensus. If the proposal passes at all, it's usually in an amended form, which means I watch tennis on television.


These days, optimists have fallen on hard times. It seems that if you feel good about the future, you are either an idiot or uninformed, or, in the worst case, an uninformed idiot. Here is a list of things you should never do because they tell the world that you are too hopeful:

- Buy a car made in a communist country.

- Dance with a woman half your age.

- Join a fitness club.

- Watch any TV show produced by Dick Clark.

- Answer the phone at dinnertime.

- Carry a condom.


When the first of my two sons was born, I used to sit him in his stroller out in the backyard while a buddy and I would have a game of catch. When he started walking, I'd get him out there and roll the ball along the ground to him. A year later, I'd be throwing it underhand to him, and a year after that, I switched to overhand, but still throwing as gently as I could. After a couple of more years, he was in a baseball league, and I could throw the ball to him as hard as I wanted. A few years after that, I noticed he started easing off on how hard he was throwing me the ball. Last year he started throwing it underhand to me. This summer I figure I'll be sitting in my stroller watching him and his brother have a game of catch.