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Thursday, Oct. 23, 2014

Editor's Comments

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

You might be a Storm Laker

That comedian, Jeff Foxworthy, made millions with his "You Might Be a Redneck If..." jokes. He parlayed it into books, songs, you name it. He sold the stuff to the same people he was making fun of, and is probably driving around to the deep south honky-tonks as we speak in a Rolls Royce with a gun rack in the back window and 24k gold rebel flag license plate holders.

Well, two can play at this game, although I'm not out to make fun of anybody. Much.

I don't know much about rednecks, but I have learned a thing of two about Storm Lakers during the past never-you-mind-how-many years.

So here goes:

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You know the word "Awaysis" is not a typo.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You will drive downtown from a block away and then circle the block 802 times looking for a parking place in front of the Buckle.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You know all the words to "Margaritaville" by heart.

* You may be a Storm Laker if: You haven't been to the State Tournament since your bell-bottoms were in style.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You are more interested in walleyes than politicians, and notice that at least the walleye doesn't lie to get itself off the hook.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You give directions by saying "Go south until you see the lake..." and finish with "If there's water coming in the windows, too far south."

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You don't have to be told that Lary as in the town's favorite bartender has just one R.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You have already decided that Brian Dennehey should play Mayor Jon Kruse in the movie version.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: Your idea of hell on earth is a mall in Spencer.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You can pronounce Chautauqua and put all the U's in the right places.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You get it when the new science center looks like a glass beaker.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You can say "Star Spangled Spectacular" three times fast.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You have stopped trying to figure out why Buena Vista as in University and Buena Vista as in County are pronounced two different ways.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You wave at all the police cars as you go by.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You have all the cultures of a World's Fair right in your neighborhood, and you don't need an "official language" law to know how to say hello.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You can tell the date by the travels of geese, mudhens, pelicans, ducks and gulls, and consider at least some of them to be personal friends.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You can't understand why everybody laughs when you say you love those Beavers.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You've ever been hit on the head with a piece of the West School gym ceiling.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You consider "Ice-Out Day" to be a national holiday.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: Sandals are the height of fashion.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You realize that proposed new slide at the aquatic center looks just like a toilet bowl.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You can time the lights all the way down Flindt and Milwaukee.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You skip the leather and order the sunroof.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You get lunch "to go" from May until October. To go to the park, that is.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You aren't willing to put up with any crap about your town from people who don't know what they are talking about.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You look at a friend's newborn baby and say, "Yeah, looks like a wrestler." (In case of girl, insert "softball player").

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You view automobile turn signals as optional suggestions.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You have recipes for pork that Betty Crocker never dreamed of.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You don't think the Victory Arch must have been built by an ancient race that worshiped croquet.

* You might be a Storm Laker if: You have a sense of humor, a sense of pride, (sometimes a sense of smell around the right plant) and a sense that you have somehow, some way wound up exactly where you ought to be.