One liners

1) A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

2) A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.

3) If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

4) I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

5) Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

6) Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

7)You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

8) The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

9) The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. (that and my big toe)

10) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

11) How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12) If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

13) Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

14) The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

15) Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

16) Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?

A: There is a stamp on it.