Teachers hear the darndest things

Wouldn't it be fun to be a teacher? Well, sometimes, anyway. Think of all the stories?! I discovered this collection of stories sent in to a website by teachers. How fitting since school is getting underway for another year. I am sure our local teachers have some stories that would rank right up here.

* A kindergarten teacher comes to me in the office, and said a parent called her and said she's sure glad I was back form the illness and hoped there would be no more. Her daughter had come home after a day or two with the teacher replacement and told mom she had "prostitute" teacher while Miss Kern was away.

* Several years ago, a primary student in my school was sent to see the principal for misbehaving in the classroom. The principal was very upset to see this same young man in his office again (because he seemed to be there quite often). After talking sternly to the boy for a few minutes and reprimanding him, the principal gave the boy this warning, "The next time you come to my office... I guess I'm going to have to get out my paddle!"

Without blinking an eye, the confused boy replied, "You have a boat?"

* I was wearing a long, colorful skirt made out of that broomstick material when I was trying to explain the word "brag" to my first graders. I was pretending to brag about being the fastest runner in the whole class. I was going on and on when a little boy raised his hand and said, "You can't run fast wearing that CURTAIN!"

* I teach preschool, two year olds. When I was pregnant with my third child, I saw no reason to tell my class because they were so young. As the year was coming to an end, I grew quite large. One of my little darlings came up to me and said," Miss Ilene, your belly is getting very fat!" I asked this little boy if he'd like to know why, and he said yes. I told him I had a baby in my tummy. He walked away, saying nothing. The next day, this happy, never cry child pitched a fit when his mother tried to leave. She pulled him aside and they talked for a few minutes, and the little boy calmed down, and the mom was grinning from ear to ear. I asked what happened and she said, "Adam thought you might eat him, you've already eaten a baby."

* A wise school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.

* The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher; ...she's dead."